I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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