i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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