I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
