remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
