You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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