i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
