Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
