he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
