If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
