i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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