areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
