Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
