At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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