are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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