ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
