that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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