the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
