Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
