We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
