i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
