So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
