Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
