I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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