I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
