Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
