I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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