All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
