They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
