Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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