what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
