you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
