i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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