Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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