Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
