I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
