pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
