Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
