I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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