I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
