There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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