I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
