She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I did not marry a roomba.
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