my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
