I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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