Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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