the condom got lost in my hair
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
