Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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