Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
