Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
