Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
