It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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