4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
