Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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