we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
