I CAN MOONWALK!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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