Best friends brother. Beat that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
