I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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